Losing Tris
by maya the fangirl10
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: DEALS WITH ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSATIVE TO SUICIDE. After the war, Tris has been feeling depressed. One day, she decides to end it. Told from Tobias POV. Has a kind of happier ending, but I suck at writing sad stuff with happy endings...


A/n: Okay, so hi. I'm back. So I realize I came off very sarcastic and rude in the last author's note. So, I would like to appologize. I was having a really shitty day, to go right along with my really shitty week, so yeah. I took it out on you gyys, and I'm very sorry. If you haven't read my last author's note, then I'm very glad. Now, I have a few things I want to say. This oneshot is rated T, but it deals with some very dark stuff. So, yeah. I don't know why reading Fahrenheit 451 inspired this, probably because someone in the story attempt suicide. So, yeah. And it's not a spoiler, because it says it on the back cover! Anyhow, I first of all, want to say that I am not depressed, or suicidal in the slightest. And when it crosses my mind, it's because of OCD. So, yeah. Second of all, this is all in Four's POV, so you don't have to worry about the actual scene. And lastly, if you are, or know someone, who is suicidal, get help. Please. I've personally seen effects of attempted suicide, and while I've never seen the effects of actual suicide, thank gosh, I can guarantee it is ten times worse than the guilt that I have seen and axperienced. So, yeah. Now that that's over with, here's the actual story.

Four POV:

I quietly open the door so as not to wake Tris. I thought my shift in the control room would never end, and it didn't help that Tris has been kind of off all day—she seemed so depressed.

I walk over to the other side of the bed, and climb under the covers. I reach to wrap my arms around Tris, to comfort her, but she's not there. Instead there is a note. I sit up, turning on the lamp, and see the contents of the note. I start to cry, and panic, jumping out of the bed, and franticly looking for her in our small apartment. The note reads:

Tobias,

The past few weeks have been especially hard on me. I feel like my world has been torn apart by my parents' deaths. I'm going to join them. Please know that this is not your fault. I don't want you to suffer from survivor's guilt. I went to great lengths to keep it from you. I'm going to take all the tylonol from the bottle in the bathroom. I feel it is only fair that I tell this to you now, after keeping from you for so long. Know that I will always love you, and that there is nothing you could have done to stop me. I love you. Don't think of this as a goodbye, more as a see you on the other side.

Love always,

Tris.

I run to the bathroom, but the door's locked. I pound on it, screaming her name. When that doesn't give me a response, I kick down the door, and turn on the light.

She lies in a crumpled heap on the floor. I race towards her, and scoop her up into my arms. I hear her mutter something incohearantly, and I run out of the apartment, and down to the infirmary.

I set her down gently, and run, looking for Helena. I grab her arm, and drag her to Tris. She begins working immediately. She runs a tube down Tris's throat, which makes her gag, and tears seep from the corners of her eyes. I reach out a hand, hovering, until Helena nods. Then I lower my hand to Tris's hair, stroking it comfortingly.

Helena starts up the machine, and I hear a loud slurping, suctioning sound. It's disgusting, but if it saves her life, I'll deal with it for the end of time. Luckily, I don't have to. After four or five times, Helena does a scan of her stomach, nods her aproval, and draws some bloodwork, checking to make sure that there's nothing in her blood stream. After that, she makes Tris drink charcoal. I rush off to find a basin.

When I return, I find Tris's head in hands, covered in her own vomit. She's shivering, and I rush to her side. I set the basin on the computer table, and put my arms around her, letting her melt into me.

"Helena, do we have a shower?" I ask. She rounds the corner, swares under her breath, and nods. After hooking Tris up to an IV, she gives me instructions, and orders me to push the IV along with Tris, as I help her. I scoop her up, and push the IV stand along with my shoulder. She still has not been able to stop her tears, which is understandable. She's in a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally.

I set her down on the counter, help her out of her clothes, lift my hand up, and brush the tears off her face.

She whispers something so quietly, I can't hear. I lean in, and ask her to repeat it. She whispers brokenly, "You probably hate me." Confusion washes over me.

"Why would I hate you, my love?" I ask. "Because I was a coward." she whispers bitterly. "I didn't face my emotions. Or, at least, not in the way that I should have."

"Oh, sweetie. I'm not mad at you for that. I love you. And although you didn't handle it in the best way, what you did won't change that. Just promise me that if you ever consider it again, you'll talk to me. You have no idea how scared I was when I found your note."

She starts to cry again, and I gather her into my arms, sitting on the shower seat. I whisper, "I love you, Beautiful. No matter what, nothing will change that."

She wraps her arms around me, and squeezes as hard as she can. It's not a very hard squeeze. It's actually barely a squeeze, and that scares me. But I keep calm for her sake, and help her get herself together. I carry her back out, to find that Helena has been by, and changed the sheets on her bed. I set her down, and, seeing that she's asleep, kiss her forehead.

"I love you, sweetheart. Always will." I pull the covers up around her carefully, and sit in the chair by the bedside.

I awake to Tris screaming. I move so quickly that everything's a blur, and gather hth into my arms, humming softly to her. She slowly stops crying, and I continue trying to soothe her. I get pretty far, if I do say so myself, but unfortunately, I know she won't be falling back asleep anytime tonight.

"Tobias?" she asks. "Hmmm?" I reply. "Can you lay down with me?" "Of course, Love." I slowly move so that I'm lying beside her. She lifts her head onto my chest, and I begin running my fingers through her hair. She drops off, but I remain awake, watching her, making sure that she's alright.

When she makes it through an hour without any problems, I drop off into a fitful sleep. When I wake, I find her crying. Tears are streaming down her face, and I scoop her up, setting her gently down in my lap.

"Shhhhh. Shhhhh, baby girl. It's going to be okay. We'll figure it out. It's all going to work out. I'm always going to love you, no matter what, just remember that. I'll always be here for you. Whether you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold you when you get sick, or someone to celebrate the happy moments with you. I'm not leaving your side... unless you want me too."

She clutches me tighter, and whispers, "No. Please don't go! Please!"

"Okay, baby girl. It's okay. I'm not gonna go anywhere."

It's then that I realize that my biggest fears had almost been realized. Tris had almost left me. That would've killed me, quite literally. I can't bare the thought of losing Tris. And that's when I promise myself that I'll do everything I can to avoid losing her. Even if that means dying in her place. Or, maybe that promise in already made, I don't know. But it intensified, while I watch her sleeping face.

A/n: Okay, so I feel it's only fair that I really explain the depth this story has to me. So, yeah. For those of you who love it when authors explain the meanings behind their work, here we go. For those who don't, feel free to skip this a/n completely. It's gonna be a long one.

Okay, so when I said I have seen the pain attempted suicide has on people, and when I said I experienced that pain, I've experienced it because of my sister.


End file.
